DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
