omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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