Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
