yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
