If i come over, it means nothing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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