I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
