I love black thongs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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