and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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