I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
