That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
