So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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