I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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