got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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