The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
