your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
