Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I looked at my own cervix.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
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