i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I did not marry a roomba.
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