it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
