Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
