Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
