my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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