I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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