Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
