We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
