You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
