She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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