he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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