Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
