Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
