I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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