I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
cat food counts as protein by the way
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
