that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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