my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
