Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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