Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
