Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
