Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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