Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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