the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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