You just made me feel so damn special
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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