I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
