just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
