Me. At least after what I've been through.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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