It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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