There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
