seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
