Swine flu. Run for my life!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
