She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
