Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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