i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
