Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was CRYING into my vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
