so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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