so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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