I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
