i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
