It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
