Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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