3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
