I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
