so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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