Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You're like the curious george of whores
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
