You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
