Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
