Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
