I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize