Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We are two peas in an std pod
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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