I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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