You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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