just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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