I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
