I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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