True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
