How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
