The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
