I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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