I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
