last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i came on her dog
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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