I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
