their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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